The Return Home
I recently came back home for Diwali and wedding preparations. The welcome was grand - dhol playing, welcome with garlands, crackers bursting, everyone excited. Walking into my mama's house felt like entering a festival. The healer part of me came out and was thriving, having deep conversations with everyone at the Diwali party. Giving everyone a space
But something felt off. It was like stepping out of "my bat cave" (where I'd spent the last three months in my own world) into a pandemic of emotions and expectations. The disconnect grew stronger each day.
The Healer's Attempt
In AbhinavLand (my internal world structure), the healer part can see everyone's exile & protector (dominant) parts so clearly - my dad defaulting to blame when annoyed, my mom's fears about her kids safety, my brother's quest for recognition after being overshadowed by overachieving siblings, things with my cousins, friends, etc.
Like a young doctor fresh out of medical school, this part of me wanted to fix everything, help everyone see their patterns and transform. "Look how beautiful life can be!" he'd say. "Why aren't you embracing love? Why are you stuck in old patterns?" But something wasn't working. The more I tried to help them transform, the more frustrated I felt.
But why was the Healer's overwhelmed in the first place?
This wasn't about them at all. This was about a young part of me that never felt truly at my childhood home here. It was more like a hostel - a place where my dad's approval only came with seeing his name in newspapers, where love felt tied to achievement & praise was rare. No wonder the rational, logical part & the slum king part developed - it was the only way to win in this competition.
Looking back, I can see why this part of me developed such a strong drive to create connections, travel & make my home. While my childhood home might not feel like home, I've created my own sense of belonging through my tribe - my partner Han, friends like Preetam who understand me deeply, and this growing community of authentic souls who see and accept all parts of me.
The discomfort I felt wasn't about others not changing - it was about this young part of me still yearning for a sense of belonging, still carrying the pain of a place where connection was based on achievement rather than just being.
Realizations!
While trying to "fix" my family, I was actually projecting my own need for belonging. But the beautiful part? I already have that belonging. It's in the 23-minute voice notes from Preetam that just get me. It's in the deep conversations with Han where I can be fully myself. It's in this tribe I've built where authenticity is the only currency that matters.
The healer in me (junior doctor) needed to learn - I can't force anyone's transformation journey. Maybe they're not ready. Maybe their current state is less painful than change. And that's okay.
Instead of trying to fix my family, I could now see them with compassion and even humor. When my dad goes into his patterns, I can smile instead of getting frustrated. I can have deep conversations with my brother without needing to change him.
I look at wedding preparations and societal scripts differently now. They're just external events, not measures of belonging. The real home is what we create - in connections, in understanding, in being seen for who we truly are.
Looking at my tribe - Han, friends, my therapist, and others who truly see me - I realize home isn't where you're born. It's where you can be authentically, wholly yourself. And for me, that's where every part is welcome, even the ones that don't feel like they belong.
And to that young part who never felt at home - we see you now. You're safe here. You belong here. Welcome to AbhinavLand :)
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