It started when I talked about how I wasn't making time for Project Prime. I kept getting distracted - answering every text instantly, watching reels, jumping on calls I didn't want to take, helping my cousin with Canva designs instead of working, going to different places. Even on days when Han gave me complete space to work, I found myself doing everything but working on Prime.
The rise of military officer!
With Bamboo's arrival news, there was sudden chaos in AbhinavLand as all established patterns changed. Ambitious Rai remembered how he had once brought peace through control - during my JEE preparation days and the Profilebud times. So he slipped back into his old role.
Ambitious Rai was furious. He'd try to make me feel bad, use Bamboo as a reason why we need to work harder, & even bring up scarcity mindset. "What if we can't provide enough? What if we fail? Look at how you're wasting time!"
The more he pushed with urgency, the more resistance he faced. But he didn't understand why. He kept escalating his tactics, becoming more like a military officer like before than the evolved part he had become over the past year.
How all parts blocks Ambitious Rai (mostly social part)
Creating urgent social obligations
Making me feel guilty for not responding to people
Using even small tasks from others as a distraction
Making me spend hours watching random shorts / reels / twitter doom scroll
It's like a small child who doesn't want their sibling to do homework - creating chaos and distractions to get attention.
United Resistance
What Ambitious Rai didn't realize was that his forceful approach had triggered a united response from all other parts in AbhinavLand. The social part, the healer, the creative part - they all came together in resistance.
It wasn't just about protecting their own time anymore. They saw Ambitious Rai slipping back into his old patterns of using fear and scarcity to motivate. They remembered how much damage this had caused in the past, and they weren't going to let it happen again.
The message was clear: "We will not respond to urgency. The more you push with force, the more we will resist. You HAVE to approach with peace and understanding."
Endless Loop
This created a vicious cycle:
Ambitious Rai would feel blocked and respond with more force
The other parts would unite in stronger resistance
This would make Ambitious Rai even more frustrated and controlling
Leading to even more united resistance
It was like watching a game of tug-of-war where pulling harder only made the other side pull back stronger.
But why Ambitious Rai became a military dictator
Ever since Bamboo news, there's been chaos in Abhinav Land as all old patterns were changed. Social part got most impacted. Seeing this, Ambitious Rai remembered the time when he got peace in chaos for long by being the military dictator ~ Teenage me during JEE times or at Profilebud to Dreamboat times. Hence he imbibed that personality and thought of stopping the chaos rather than embracing this.
Core insight
In therapy today, we sat down with Ambitious Rai to help him understand what was happening. The resistance wasn't about the work itself - all parts support Project Prime and understand its importance. The resistance was about HOW he was trying to make it happen.
His urgency, his use of fear and scarcity, his military officer approach - these were old patterns that all parts had worked hard to move past. When he slipped back into these patterns, it wasn't just about blocking work - it was about protecting AbhinavLand from falling back into old toxic patterns.
Ambitious Rai needed to remember that his strength comes from inspiration, not fear. When he approaches with peace and genuine enthusiasm, other parts naturally want to join in and support his projects.
He needed to know that his drive to create and achieve doesn't have to come from fear. When he is blocked from doing something - he needs to understand who is blocking him and why. He needs to tell his intentions clearly and help the other part too let go of their fear. Not go back to his own old bad habits of making Abhinav feel bad & bring in scarcity feeling.
The social part can give him more energy drawing energy from social realm. The creative part can bring innovative solutions & HUGE confidence he has. The healer can ensure core root of helping other humans in prime. But this only happens when approached with peace, not urgency.
Today's meditation at Pai Meditation Center was a beautiful reminder - slowing down is the key! . Operating from love rather than fear. Understanding that resistance is often a message, not an obstacle.
There's room in AbhinavLand for all parts to thrive, each in their own way. But it has to come from a place of peace and understanding, not urgency and fear. This was a powerful reminder that the HOW matters just as much as the WHAT.
Social Spark's fear (Side quest on what is deeply rooted in me & what I'm working on)
He's terrified of what might happen when Bamboo arrives. He can already see Han's attention becoming divided in early pregnancy signs - her occasional weakness, her needing more rest. Every time she needs to lie down or can't join an activity, this part panics.
This fear of divided attention isn't just about Han. It's making this part grasp desperately at every social connection available - instantly replying to messages, jumping on calls I don't want to take, helping with random tasks. He's stockpiling attention and love now, like storing food before a famine.
Social Spark's learnings
He had been operating from the belief that Love is scarce. It must be earned at all cost NOW. He tries to earn it through constant availability and people-pleasing. Others should always be happy with us.
These patterns aren't new - they're old scripts from childhood where both parts learned that love was conditional. But now, with Bamboo coming, those old fears are resurfacing in full force. The social Spark needed to be heard in his fear of becoming invisible. Not to hijack and slow down to understand where all this is coming from.
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