Friend 101

Deep conversations with friends/partner/family who truly care about us are a true blessing in our lives.

I thrive on human entropy: helping people unstuck themselves. I can often see the helicopter view and identify where someone's internal traffic is jammed. By asking thoughtful questions and offering gentle nudges, I've witnessed how people's internal worlds can begin to flow more smoothly again.

Creating Space

When your friend begins sharing, your first role is that of a sounding board. Give them space to share all - complete presence without interruption! Creating emotional safety through your body language and attention. Allow the silences to exist without rushing to fill them.

Often you'd see something come up - something they're stuck with. Don't go deep into too many topics. Generally the most pressing one. Help them with what that is as we aren't aware most of the time and this conversation is the way to identify it: "What in your life right now of is most pressing for you?"

Navigate with - how they are "feeling" with that? What do they want?

Hard Pitfall: When someone is talking in circles about the same issue without movement, it can become draining for both of you. I would say to be curious and direct onto why they are staying too much with this story? What fear they're holding on if they let it go?

Navigating different perspectives

Inevitably, there will be moments when you don't agree with your friend's perspective or choices. Instead of immediately offering your differing opinion, try getting curious about how they arrived at their perspective! Focus on understanding them rather than changing their mind.

Once you've understood where they are coming from, you can now share your experience.

Remember: What worked for you won't necessarily work for your friend. Your mindset, your coping mechanisms, your frameworks—they're uniquely yours, shaped by your particular experiences and personality.

Ask permission: "Would it be helpful if I shared my perspective?" and frame it as "This was my experience..." rather than "This is what you should do..." tone!

After sharing, Return the focus to them: "I'm curious if any of that resonates with you?"

Above all, share what you truly feel. Don't be a pleaser and encourage your friend to take an action you wouldn't take yourself — this violates authenticity. And always check in afterward: "How does what I've shared land with you?" This creates space for genuine dialogue rather than one-way advice.

You are not a therapist

That feeling of being drained after supporting a friend is real! Recognize your own emotional capacity before deep conversations. Establish gentle boundaries when needed: "I want to be here for you, and I have about 30 minutes right now". Be honest about your limitations: "This sounds really important, and I'm not sure I have the expertise to help with it."

The Reciprocal Gift

The beauty of deep conversations is their reciprocal nature. By creating space for authentic sharing, you not only give your friend the gift of being truly seen and heard—you also open yourself to deeper connection and understanding. These conversations ripple outward, creating more authentic relationships in all areas of life.

The next time you ask "What's happening?" remember: you're not just making conversation. You're creating a sacred space where both of you can bring your whole selves, all your parts, all your contradictions. In doing so, you're participating in one of the most profound human experiences—truly seeing and being seen by another.