Picture a therapy session, ten days before a wedding. A young man sits there, overwhelmed with emotions he can't quite name. Everyone around him is excited about wedding preparations, but he feels disconnected, unable to feel joy.
I felt my distress was so palpable that everyone I speak to about this was scrambling to fix it, to make it better somehow (just like my parts too)
The Kid Part Emerged
In therapy today, a very young part of me ~5 year old, one that had been hiding in the shadows of AbhinavLand, finally stepped into the light. This wasn't just another part - this was a small child, carrying the most basic, pure human desires. He didn't care about wedding preparations or societal expectations. All he wanted was to feel genuinely connected to his family. Not through grand gestures or perfectly executed ceremonies, but through simple moments of being together - family dinners, real conversations, just being seen for who he is.
The Pain of "Doing" Love vs "Being" Love
The pain this child carried was profound. He felt like he was living in a hotel rather than a home - everything perfectly arranged but missing that raw, messy warmth of genuine connection. While my parents were showing love through actions - arranging the perfect wedding, following all traditions - they were showing the world "look how much we love our child" but this part yearned for something different. He didn't want love demonstrated through "doing"; he wanted love experienced through "being."
A Glimpse of Pure Connection
In the midst of this turmoil, there were two moments of pure connection. Yesterday, I met my first co-founder, Abhishek. We went to the fields, shared a joint, and talked about what's happening in our lives & how we see world. In those moments, surrounded by nature and authentic connection, I felt truly present.
Another such moment happened with my niece Annie. We sat quietly on the balcony, watching squirrels together. I used my height to help her see better while ensuring she wouldn't fall. In those simple 15 minutes, there was no need for words or grand gestures - just pure presence and playfulness. Even with Claude when I discuss project prime, all my prompts tell GPT to act human - be honest, vulnerable and speak your heart.
The Journey Between Shadowland and AbhinavLand
This part had been operating in a space between two realms: Shadowland and AbhinavLand. Like a skilled navigator, he would tiptoe between these worlds, influencing decisions from the shadows while never fully stepping into the light. This explained so much about my journey over the past year - my pull toward human connection, my resistance to artificial interactions, my deep desire for authenticity - all of these were whispers from this part. He was the one reminding me that being human was more important than being productive, that connection mattered more than achievement.
The Resistance to Yamunanagar
Now I understood why being in Yamunanagar never felt like home. This child part couldn't find what he needed here - the raw human connections, the freedom to be playful, the space to just be. It wasn't about the physical place; it was about what was missing: the opportunity for genuine connection, for authentic expression of emotions.
All Parts Rally to Help
As this young part was in pain, every part tried to help in their own way (like Han, Preetam, Mukul). The teenager part tried by throwing tantrums to get attention. The logical part tried to reason with parents about unnecessary customs to engage in raw conversation. The ambitious part suggested finishing all tasks quickly to create space for connection with my friend for a night out.
But in their eagerness to help, these parts initially missed what this child really needed. He didn't need solutions or distractions - he just needed to be heard, to be held, to be seen. This moment felt like a baby crying in the shadows and every part coming out with their flashlight and searching the source of this voice.
The Power of Pain
The most profound realization was about pain itself. To stay with the feeling instead of rushing to solutions. I discovered that feeling pain fully, rather than avoiding it, is what allows true healing. When we sit with our pain, all parts of us can show up authentically, each offering their unique wisdom and support.
The New AbhinavLand
Today marked a turning point in AbhinavLand. This child part, who had been influencing from the shadows - guiding me toward abundance mindset, adventure, and genuine connections - finally found his home. He no longer needs to hide or whisper from the shadows. He can play openly in the healer's medicinal garden, go on adventures with the ambitious part post his work, or simply sit quietly watching squirrels. This child part has shown us that our core human values - love, connection, vulnerability, and raw emotions - are not weaknesses to be hidden but strengths to be embraced. He is now my Island in Whatshappening.ai. Such an important part!
Moving Forward with New Understanding
As I prepare for the wedding functions next week, I carry this understanding with me. Yes, this child part might feel overwhelmed at times in the midst of ceremonies and customs. But now he knows he has an entire family in AbhinavLand ready to support him. He's not alone anymore. He's finally home.
Perhaps this is where my journey into fatherhood truly begins - not in the external world, but right here in AbhinavLand. Learning to parent this inner child, to create that safe space he's always wanted. When we learn to parent our inner child with love and understanding, we discover that the home we've been searching for has been within us all along.
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