My Shiva awakening

In my therapy session today, I discovered something profound about the fire that lives within me. What started as frustration with my landlord turned into one of the most powerful realizations about anger, trust, and the protective forces that live in AbhinavLand. This therapy session, I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Deeply connecting to my self and I went to a different astral plane!

The Hurt That Started It All

I've been dealing with this landlord uncle situation for weeks now. Someone I trusted, someone I let into my life like family, started playing transactional games. Charging me for painting the entire house when I only needed a few nail holes patched. Taking advantage in small ways that add up to something that feels... wrong. Telling my help to not use a certain washroom as it is only for people living in the complex. Or asking me to not dry my clothes in my main balcony.

My rational mind kept trying to solve it logically. Make videos documenting everything. Prepare arguments. Cal

culate costs. But underneath all that strategy, there was something much more raw - I was deeply hurt.

This wasn't just about money or house repairs. This was about trust. I had opened my heart to this person, treated him like an elder in my family. And he responded by seeing dollar signs instead of connection.

The Fire Awakens

When my healer helped me drop out of my head and into my body, something incredible happened. The hurt was there - sitting in my chest like a bomb of yellow energy. But rising to protect it was something I'd never fully acknowledged before.

Anger. Not as rage or destruction, but as protective fire.

"I have one more tool at my arsenal," I realized. "It's fire."

For the first time, I felt truly safe. Not because the world had changed, but because I knew I could defend myself. If someone wants to play games with me, I can play back. If someone wants to hurt me, I have the power to respond. I literally can destroy people if I need to - digitally, socially, psychologically. I have those skills.

But here's the thing - having that power doesn't mean using it.

The Shiva Revelation

Then came the moment that changed everything. My healer said something that connected so deeply I felt it in my bones:

"Your anger is like Lord Shiva. He has the power to destroy the world, but he chooses trust and love instead."

Everything clicked.

Shiva - Bholenath - the most powerful destroyer who is also the most trusting. He doesn't play games. He doesn't test people. He simply loves and trusts, even while carrying the power to end everything in a moment. The paradox of ultimate power combined with ultimate innocence.

I've been unconsciously drawn to this energy my whole life. The mountains calling to me. Kailash in my dreams. That song "Shankar Sankat Harta" playing on repeat in my mind. This wasn't random - this was recognition. This was coming home to a part of myself I'd never fully understood.

The Sacred Container

What struck me most was how Mrinalini gave me this metaphor as a container for my anger. Not to suppress it or fear it, but to honor it. To see it as sacred power that deserves respect - both from me and from others.

My anger isn't a problem to be solved. It's a deity to be honored. It's the third eye that can open when necessary, but mostly remains closed because I choose love and trust as my default mode.

From Hurt to Compassion

Once I could sit with the hurt instead of rushing to fix it, once I felt protected by my inner fire, something beautiful happened. Compassion arose naturally.

For the landlord uncle making these petty moves - I could see he's operating from his own fears and limitations. For the Instagram scammer who took my money - he's probably trapped in his own desperate patterns. This doesn't excuse their actions, but it allows me to respond from strength rather than fear.

The hurt part of me no longer feels alone. It has a fierce protector now. And when we feel truly safe, we can afford to be generous.

Living as Bholenath

This shift changes everything about how I want to move through the world. I don't need to be defensive or suspicious. I can continue trusting, continue being open, continue treating people with love - because I know I'm not helpless. The fire is always there if I need it.

It's like having nuclear weapons but choosing diplomacy. The power itself creates the safety that allows for gentleness.

When uncle calls now, I don't need to be the "good boy" saying "yes sir, thank you sir." I can be myself - kind but clear, loving but boundaried. I can tell him directly when something feels wrong because I'm not afraid of conflict anymore.

The Paradox of True Strength

What's beautiful about this realization is how it actually makes me softer, not harder. When you know you can handle anything, you don't need to be on guard all the time. When you trust your own fire, you can afford to be vulnerable.

This is what Shiva represents - the dance between destruction and creation, power and tenderness, fire and love. Having the capacity for both makes you whole.

Moving Forward

I'm curious to explore this relationship with my inner Shiva more. What does it mean to carry sacred fire? How do I honor this power without being consumed by it? How do I stay connected to both my innocence and my strength?

What I know for sure is that I no longer feel small in the world. I don't need to shrink or hide or people-please my way to safety. The safety comes from within now - from knowing that whatever happens, I have the tools to handle it.

The fire isn't going anywhere. It's part of who I am. And that's not something to fear - it's something to celebrate. Because when you carry sacred fire with conscious awareness, you become a force for both protection and transformation in the world.