In the depths of my mind, there's a world I call "Abhinav Land". It's a place of contrasts - with manicured lawns, fancy houses, and hidden in the shadows, a slum. This slum houses a part of me I've only recently discovered: a teenage guardian who's been silently shaping my life from the background.
This part of me, let's call him the Slum King, laid the foundations of who I am today. He built the sewers, did the dirty work, and became the unsung hero of slums of Abhinav Land. Born from experiences when I was about 10-11 years old, this part believed that sacrificing myself for others was the only path to gaining worth and love.
The Slum King operates on a simple principle: endure pain, push through discomfort, and eventually, others will notice and provide the love and respect I crave. It's a pattern that's been with me for years, influencing how I interact with the world and the people around me.
The Price of People-Pleasing
This part of me goes to extreme lengths to please others, even at the cost of my own well-being. It pushes me out of my window of tolerance, makes me say yes when I want to say no, and often leaves me feeling out of control. One such incident was during my time when I just landed Nha Trang. Despite my exhaustion, this part pushed me to keep up with my partner's excitement, ignoring my own need for rest.
For him, going out of window of tolerance, yes yes!
The Friendship Paradox
While this part has made me friends with everyone, it's also left me feeling like I don't have any deep, genuine friendships. I'm the person who's in every group but doesn't fully belong to any. It's a strange dichotomy - being universally liked but often feeling alone.
A Message to the Guardian
Recognizing this part has been a game-changer. I teared down and spoke to the Slum King though he didn't want to talk to me (teenager):
Thank you for protecting me in the only way you knew how. You've laid the foundations for who I am, and I'm forever grateful. You've made this Abhinav Land when it was a barren place. You've given self a platform. And I am so sorry for what you went through - honestly, no child should ever go through something like but it's time for an upgrade. You don't have to live in the slums anymore. There's a place for you in the main house, where you're valued just for being you.
The Journey of Integration
Moving forward, I'm learning to:
Recognize when these parts are taking over
Pause and check in with my true feelings
Communicate my needs without fear
Trust that I'm worthy of love and respect, just as I am
Use the strengths of these parts without the self-sacrifice
It's about finding balance. I want to use my empathy and people skills, but not at the cost of my own well-being. I aim to say yes to adventures, but also be okay with saying no when I need to. I want to create safe spaces for others, while also maintaining my own boundaries.
The Freedom of Authenticity
This revelation has been a massive unlock in terms of personal freedom. I've realized that I don't "need" to do things just because they're expected or because they might please others. This shift in perspective has unleashed an incredible amount of energy and time that I didn't even know I had.
This newfound freedom has allowed me to be more present in my relationships, more focused in my work, and more in tune with myself. I'm discovering that when I live authentically, not only do I feel better, but my relationships with others improve too. People respond to my genuine self much more positively than they do to a version of me that's constantly trying to please them.
Reframing the Paradoxical Strengths & new role
As I've integrated these parts, I've discovered that their strengths can be incredibly powerful when used in a balanced way:
1. Adventurous Spirit: It's made me say yes to new experiences, pushing me out of my comfort zone. I've found so many things that I love because this part pushed myself to do this. I thought I always hates beaches until I've started to like them now. Same goes for me diving deep into physics mechanics in 11th grade.
2. Empathy Powerhouse: I've developed a deep ability to connect with others and understand their needs because they can put their guards down with me. They can be themselves because they do not feel threatened and for my healer archetype - this is a blessing!
3. Universal Friend: I can fit into any social group, adapting seamlessly to different environments.
4. Humble Confidence: The ego check has evolved into a balanced self-assurance, where I can be confident without being arrogant.
These strengths have shaped my identity, making me someone others trust and feel comfortable confiding in.
Reflecting on Growth
This journey of self-discovery is ongoing. Each therapy session, each conversation with friends, each moment of self-reflection brings new insights. I'm learning to create space in Abhinav Land for all my parts, even those that have been hiding in the shadows.
I'm happy to say that I'm having such friends who I can call anytime I feel & say anything to process my thoughts / feelings better (& vice versa for them). We will be honest with other person & say how we really feel about what's happening with us. This blog post is actually a result of one such conversation with a friend.
As I integrate these parts more fully, I'm excited to see how they will transform. Perhaps the Slum King will move out of the slums and into a cozy apartment in the heart of Abhinav Land. Maybe he'll start a community outreach program, using his skills to help others without self-sacrifice.
Every part of me has a purpose & are trying to help me only - even those that initially seemed problematic. It's all about understanding, integrating, and evolving. This journey of self-discovery is lifelong & I'm committed to continuing it with curiosity and compassion.
The freedom I've found in being true to myself is not just liberating—it's energizing. It's as if I've unlocked a wellspring of vitality I never knew I had. I can't wait to see how much more I'll discover as I continue to live authentically and honor all parts of myself.
Update (post 3 days writing the blog): Slum king has a home in Abhinav Land
Just like the process of all parts coming from shadows: feared of judgement & hatred of other parts to them sharing their story of how they help Abhinav to fully getting accepted by all parts now.
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