In AbhinavLand, a storm was brewing. With my wedding just around the corner, me leaving Nha Trang in 2 days, calling so many people for wedding, different parts of me were gathering for the colored smoke signal social part of sent - clearly distressed about the upcoming interactions with 100+ people. After spending months in the peaceful rhythm of Vietnam, where even café conversations remain beautifully incomprehensible, the thought of returning to India's social whirlwind felt overwhelming.
Social Spark's Fear
This kid part of me part carried the weight of past experiences. The last two times I returned to India - first to Bangalore and then to Chandigarh - left me feeling adrift, struggling to maintain my authentic self amidst familiar social pressures. This time, with wedding preparations in full swing, the social spark was terrified. How would I navigate conversations with 50+ people without falling back into old people-pleasing patterns?
The fear wasn't about lacking trust in my growth; it was more like a child who knows their parent will catch them but still can't help saying "What if I fall?" every time they climb. My social part trusts the journey I've been on, but the prospect of co-regulating with 50 different people, many of whom might not understand or approve of my current path, felt daunting.
The Parts Came Together
Just when the anxiety was peaking, something beautiful happened. All my parts gathered in a circle - the ambitious one who had been trying to mathematically calculate project deadlines around wedding dates, the healer who's grown so much in setting boundaries, and even the good boy who still wants to make everyone happy.
They didn't need answers. They just needed to be together & prepare for what was to come. Not plan & make all answers but just be there.
In that moment of unity, a shift occurred. The wedding transformed from a source of anxiety into an exciting playground for all my parts. Each one would have their moment:
- The social spark good boy kid part could make people feel welcome without losing himself
- The healer could observe and support other parts with newfound wisdom
- The authentic self could share vows and stories that truly matter
The Symphony Begins
What started as fear has transformed into anticipation. I'm looking forward to watching how each part plays their role in this wedding symphony. Some days will bring major chords, others minor, creating a beautiful complexity that is uniquely us.
The wedding isn't just about following traditions or meeting expectations. It's about witnessing my parents' joy - their 28-year dream coming true. It's about seeing Han in traditional Indian attire. It's about sharing authentic moments with friends who've been part of my journey.
Most importantly, I trust my inner system now. If any part gets overwhelmed, I know we'll come back to center. Maybe in a day, maybe in two, but we always find our way back to Thehraav (calmness). Because now we know - no part is alone in this journey.
The Dance of Joy
As this realization settled in, something magical happened in AbhinavLand. The sound of a distant dhol (drum) began to play. One by one, each part joined in the celebration. The fear transformed into excitement, the anxiety into anticipation. Even the social spark part that raised the smoke alarm and was afraid of losing my state of Thehraav realized - this isn't about losing peace, it's about embracing the beautiful chaos of life while staying grounded in who we are.
In the end, this wedding isn't just a series of events - it's a celebration of how far we've come, a testament to the harmony we've found between all our parts. As I prepare to step into this new chapter, I'm no longer afraid. I'm ready to let each part play their role, to dance to both the major and minor chords of this symphony we call life.
This is our wedding month - a time for randomness, for entropy, for letting all parts of me come out and play. And I can't wait to see how this beautiful chaos unfolds.
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