Today I saw in my IFS therapy session on how Social Spark part in me sees love as a currency!
Social spark perceives he is "employed" by people we care about (putting them higher on vertical scale) in our interpersonal relationship and love is the salary we are paid.

Somewhere along the way, I internalised the belief that love is a limited resource (Scarcity Mindset), something I have to compete for and earn.
This mindset has led me to set arbitrary deadlines, worry about "performance," and constantly try to prove my worth in relationships. Fearing that if I don't meet expectations, I'll be fired from someone's life!
Root of this Scarcity
As a early young child, I didn't understand the intangible nature of love. I needed concrete expressions - hugs, attention, praises - to feel loved. When these weren't consistently available due to my parents taking care of my twin siblings with my brother having hard medical conditions in his early phases of life, I began to see love as something rare and conditional.
This perception was reinforced when I noticed that doing certain things - like academic achievements, extracurricular activities - seemed to bring more visible expressions of love. I started to believe that love was something I had to earn through performance. It became a transaction in my mind: do well, get love; fail, lose love.
This early understanding shaped how Social Spark views relationships even now. It's been treating love like a limited resource that must be earned and carefully managed, always fearing that it might run out.

Present Day Fear: Me "taking space" mistaken for "distance"?
A paradox: The people I want to be closest to, Han or my close friends, are the ones I am (or was) most afraid to ask for space from (much better now with trust coming in). The deeper the connection, the more terrifying it was to be to assert our individual needs.
There's a fear that asking for space might be mistaken for distance. What if they interpret my need for alone time as a sign that I'm pulling away? This fear can lead to a cycle of anxiety and people-pleasing that actually creates distance.

Rights of the relationship
I've been approaching relationships as if everything needs to be earned, but some things are simply to be perceived as our rights as human beings. Just "being" & not "doing".
For instance:
The right to take space when needed
The right to express our needs and feelings
The right to be loved for who we are, not for what we do
Huge unlock: These aren't privileges we need to earn through good behavior or performance. They're fundamental aspects of healthy relationships. Just as children have the right to be loved unconditionally, adults in relationships have the right to be their authentic selves.

Anchors in relationship
These are small gestures or communications that reassure the other person that you're still connected, even when you need space.
Instead of telling a friend - hey! I'll reply you in 10 minutes after I buy some water from market - I can say, hey! will get back on this. (And yes, I will get back once the things on my plate clears)
I also make my deadlines rigid. Making sure that if I cannot do it in said time, a part in my brain will punish myself with uneasiness. Pinching me every now and then (until I do the said task), telling me - "hey, You were suppose to send what's happening in your life voice note to this friend a week ago now!!".

Core Solution: Trust
Trust that the relationship is strong enough to withstand periods of space. Trust that your loved ones want you to be your authentic self, even when that self needs solitude. Trust that they will still love you - Communicate Clearly, Also Respect Others' Need for Space, Be Authentic & honest ALWAYS.

A Segway: Connection to Project Prime
Social Spark part fears taking space. Same fear come in my creative process, my ideas need space to flow freely but they can't due to anxiety & fear caused by my structure part wanting to capture and organize every idea so nothing gets lost.
Prime allows my creative part to take as much space as it needs without worrying about losing ideas. It's like saying to my creative self, "Go ahead, explore, connect wild things, explore, be messy. We won't lose anything."

This is profoundly liberating. Just as I'm learning to trust that Social Spark can handle me taking space, Prime enables my Creative Part to run freely while telling my Structure Part to trust that all these ideas are safe!
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