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Unveiling "Social Spark" part

This part has been with me forever, taking different forms (and even different names in IFS therapy sessions) as I grew:

  1. fear alone (very young): afraid of being left alone, afraid of silent treatment by parents and desperate for love from them

  2. good boy (7-8 years): trying to act like good boys - societal definations. Always agreeing parent's, elders & teachers wishes to maintain love and connection.

  3. slum king (teenager): sacrificing self for others, following societal scripts - get into IIT, gain good marks, top classes & all extra-curricular competitions

  4. good friend (18-26 years): behaving how my friends want me to behave, part of every group, helping them over my own needs

  5. good co-founder (24-26 years): sacrificing my love for building apps (creative part) so my tech-friend can be a tech co-founder

  6. current form: retiring & transitioning to a more balanced role to create tribe & community. Coming over the fear of being left alone & evolving to follow his curiosity about other humans



Meet social spark

Imagine a part of you (feels like he's self's younger brother) that's been there since day one, watching, learning, and shaping how I interact with others. The king of interpersonal relationship. That's the Social Spark. It's more like the director of a play, where the characters are all the different social roles I've played throughout your life.

  1. eternal presence: this isn't a new part. it's been with me forever, evolving as I've grown. it's the constant thread in my changing social tapestry.

  2. fascination with people: at its core, this part is genuinely amazed by human beings. it loves observing, interacting, and understanding the complex dance of human relationships.

  3. relationship architect: this part doesn't just observe - it actively shapes my connections. it's been the invisible hand guiding how I form and maintain relationships.

  4. adaptive chameleon: perhaps its most intriguing trait is its ability to shapeshift. it's taken on different forms throughout my life, always adapting to what it perceived as my social needs.

This part has been both my social compass and my relationship bodyguard, driven by a deep-seated belief that love from others & connection is essential for my wellbeing.



The Social Spark's journey

Imagine this part as a kid who's super into people-watching. At first, it's all wonder and curiosity. but then:

  1. it realizes human connection feels good

  2. it becomes afraid of losing that connection

  3. it starts creating 'strategies' to keep people close

These strategies? yeah, those were my fear alone, good boy, slum king, good-friend, etc phases. clever little guardian!



Double-edged sword

it's like having a really enthusiastic wingman who sometimes goes overboard.

Here's where it gets tricky. This part:

  • has helped me build amazing relationships & is the reason I'm good at connecting with people

  • but also sometimes hijacks control

  • and can lead to feeling overwhelmed by social obligations



The awakening

it's moving from survival mode to thriving mode - from "we need people or we'll die" to "people are awesome, let's hang out".


The Ongoing dance

Here's the thing - this isn't about 'fixing' anything. It's about understanding the beautiful, complex dance happening inside me. Understanding if any part is hijacking and doing a root cause analysis on that. It's all about maintaining the inner harmony.

As I continue this journey through abhinavland, I'm excited to see how this understanding shapes my relationships, my projects, and my life. Here's to curiosity, connection, and the continuous unraveling of who we are.

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© 2024 by Abhinav Rai

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