Another episode from to AbhinavLand (my internal world) where I met my Warden part - the inner protector who went from high-alert panic creature to a zen master of mindful presence. But first, let me tell you about the CEO part of me.
The Selfless CEO
This CEO part of me is the embodiment of selfless dedication - appointed by the self to ensure all parts are in harmony. He works tirelessly for the wellbeing of every inhabitant of AbhinavLand - listening to Ambitious Rai's ideas with enthusiasm, ensuring the Creative part gets quiet time to write & dream, and comforting the small kid parts when overwhelmed.
He works often at the cost of its own needs (just like Slum King but it is playing out in my internal world) - a nurturing, people-pleaser who'd rather work overtime than say no to anyone.
The Warden Part
This part of me gets super anxious when someone close to me is struggling / feeling stuck. It goes into full-on fix-it mode - staying close, asking questions, trying to solve their problems. It infuses their pain in my life.
When the warden sensed a hostile environment (in this case, a family issue with my partner, Han), it went into full alert mode. Suddenly, Han's struggles became my struggles.
For the guardian, it urged CEO Rai to make him in charge; taking all the powers & calling an All Hands on deck situation - Full on alert mode.
Overwhelmed CEO & the great realization
Our dear CEO gave the power to warden. That's okay but being the people pleaser - in an attempt to keep everyone happy, it got completely overwhelmed. Instead of being honest about the situation, the CEO started ghosting other parts. Poor Ambitious Rai was left wondering why his project ideas were being ignored even though he was promised the time by CEO Rai. Why Abhinav is not working on Project Prime or setting up new locket Friend.
When my therapist asked me - I look overwhelmed and how am I actually doing - the CEO teared up & had this realization that every part loves it & trusts it for who he is. It can be honest. Most of my life, this is how I look my external self to be.
The lesson for the CEO - It's okay to be honest about our struggles. Tell the parts what you are facing through & they trust you. They love you. They will understand. Just share with them honestly.
The Warden's Epiphany
Now, whenever Warden sees any helplessness in people close to us - its protectiveness is triggered. It sees a hostile environment, and gets alerted - "Oh no, this might take away our peace in life! ALERT ALERT ALERT"
Why? It reminds me of my time of helplessness & stuck (when I was following scripts which I did not want and was not fully happy doing what I was doing). And when someone close like my partner goes through it too -> I am afraid that it might come to me too - this fear is my reason of panic & I go outside my window of tolerance to help them.
Care for them - yes! Be there for them - yes! But do not panic that it will destroy my inner world that I worked so hard to build.
Feel it, but do not panic & devote all your resources to solve it. Most times, just your presence and encouragement is all they need.
Trust that their world will come back too. Their systems will kick in life and their inner world will be back in harmony. You are there for them.
Do not fear for when you are in fear is when you stop living in the present & don't live your authentic self (so ironical). In its quest to protect our Thehraav (calmness), I had actually lost it in panic.
The beautiful part? As we uncovered all this, every part in AbhinavLand wanted to give the Guardian a big, warm hug. They appreciated its efforts to protect our peace, but they also wanted to reassure it.
The message was clear: "AbhinavLand will always thrive - no matter what happens! We will not go back. Even if we our state of thehraav (calmness) is gone, it is temporary - trust your world & systems - you will get it back - always!. Same goes with your partner & close people. You don't need panic & fear.
A big thank you from all parts for making me empathetic in life - it is because of you I could be there for other people & make deeper relationships. I can feel their pain (emotional )I now have a small tribe of people who I can speak freely with & that's a true blessing."
I'm teaching my Warden about healthy boundaries. It's learning that it's okay to care deeply without trying to fix everything. I can be supportive without getting overwhelmed or losing my own sense of self. The Warden is starting to see that sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is just be present. Not fix, not panic, just be there. It's a subtle but powerful shift.
Another big change we're working on is moving from reactive protection to responsive support. Instead of immediately going into alert mode when it senses trouble, the Warden is learning to pause, assess, and choose a response. This new approach allows for more flexibility. Sometimes, the best response might be to offer support. Other times, it might be to step back and let the other person find their own way. The Warden is learning to trust not just in our resilience, but in others' as well.
Moving Forward: A New Era in AbhinavLand
Well, we're working on always honest, authentic & open communication between all parts, especially with the CEO.
We're reminding the Warden that don't panic - you will come to state of calmness & others close to you will come automatically too. Just like your system kicks in, their system will kick in too. Trust this process. Be there for them but do not panic yourself for if you are in panic, you are losing the only thing you are fighting for.
I see the Warden evolving into a kind of inner mentor. Its sensitivity and protective instincts, when balanced with wisdom and boundaries, could guide us in navigating complex emotional landscapes.
Imagine having an internal guide that can help us understand our own emotions and those of others, without getting lost in them. That's the potential we're working towards.
Here's to evolving, one part at a time, and to the incredible potential that lies within each of us.
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